Taming the Monkey Mind

决定

2011-12-18T19:30:00.002+08:00

决定了
是时候抽身了

说什么“nothing to loose”
可那一次又一次的心痛
何苦？

既然已说白了
对方不会是生命中的priority
为何还未那没诚意的话语心动呢？

决定了
在2011未结束前
我决定把你排出局外

words

2011-11-25T23:06:00.002+08:00

getting a bit disorientated recently(not that i have direction sense, if you know me personally)
feelings are harder to put in words now than before

泄气

2011-04-01T20:01:00.002+08:00

yer.....
我像漏了风的气球
泄了气
再也飞不起来了。。。。。。

狂想曲

2011-03-22T22:20:00.002+08:00

地点一：MULU drug talk

真：Ｌｅｏｎ，　我要改行了！
Ｌｅｏｎ：？　
真：我要改行去做ｄｒｕｇ　ｒｅｐ，　爽爽来请你们吃ｐｉｚｚａ，　几好啊！
Ｌｅｏｎ：．．．．．．

Venue 2: Through SMS
Me: CK, i now agree with u tat u wanna be a politician....maybe u are right...be a politician lah~then i can consider marry u n no need to work anymore
CK: .... ....

结论：
工作快一年了
有时真的被一些人与事气的．．．没好气的
哎
我要去旅行啦！！！

我有个梦想：
开间被包旅馆＝）

小城大爱 vs 大城小爱

2011-03-01T22:14:00.001+08:00

去一趟巴生参加好友的婚礼
白色礼服
白色姐妹衣

千人宴
和那队perfect uncle aunty 的精彩表演
最令人开心的是与好友们相聚

话题离不开houseman training
庆幸我在这还活着=）
没有惹麻烦又不负责任的同事

ktv 到330am
大家边睡边唱
最经典的还是HH拿摇控器点歌点到睡了

到kl shopping
托着疲惫的身躯
多想待在酒店大睡一场
都怪为了省钱住的酒店不太舒服
就狂shopping 到晚

一场kl游
让我觉得自己好kampung girl
我想我还是喜欢家乡的清闲自在=)

the past,present,and future

2010-12-31T23:13:00.002+08:00

" Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow is a misery,
and today is a present"

this is the quote our family medicine lecture gave us when we first stepped into clinical school

It is again the end of another year

For 2010 is a great year for me

A few memorable events took place:
1. The graduation from Uni
2. The starting of work life, and thus the ability of invest some $ on the family and the house,and of course some shopping for my pleasure

For the ups of this year
i shall not forget

For able to come back to my hometown to work
And have the greatest opportunity to work in a hospital with no bullying of HOs
Where we have the very first HO nite when the specialist in charged of HO actually send out a formal letter saying that all HO are free from 6-11pm that night to go for the nite,even for those who are on-calls
(name me another hospital who has this,and i shall treat u a meal)

For meeting great MO and specialists
Who not only do not bully us or look down on us
But spend time and great patience on us
To give us guidance and show us the good example

And not to nurses who treat us like thier own children
WIth the masak-masak in the pantry
and the caring tone saying" doctor pergi makan dulu,ada apa apa kak akan panggil..."
which made me wanna cry feeling so touched

The patients
who smile and walk out of the hospitals
For those smile are the greatest reward and satisfactory we get

And for those patients who din make it
I wish to find strength in them
"We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind. In the faith that looks through death, in years that bring the philosophic mind."
John Bacon
And may we learn from them
To prevent the same thing happen again

For the resolutions for the coming year:
1.For career: To complete HO and become a competent MO(if possible get to sit and pass a post-grad exam)

2. For Love: To be ready to love rather than to look and waiting to be loved

3. For life: continue the pursue of my spiritual life

4. For fun and self-satisfaction: To pick up dancing again=)

Happy 2011=)

i had a dream

2010-12-22T20:28:00.003+08:00

where the place i woke up has 4 seasons
with the sunny summer
and the english breakfast
and the happy people
and the happy working environment
i like it
and i think i wanna make it a dream come true
OZ
i m in love with u
for real

helplessness

2010-12-16T20:23:00.002+08:00

is when u struggle and fight so hard in the beginning
then u start to get pissed off
get irritated
and finally
u either become one of the useless ppl
or u become more frustrated and be miserable all your life

forgive me
for trying to run away from this circle
for i see no future in this circle

contemplating death

2010-10-28T22:58:00.003+08:00

the heavy subject/topic that no one like to talk about

like taboo

the-u-know-what-event

even when my elder sis teaches the 2 children, "eik"= "die",rather than using tat original word" die" "death" or 死

i see patients at the verge of death and alive

the first palliative care i had was the given by our family med lecturer

at the end of the lecture,he asked us to contemplate about death

At one point of time,i was so afraid(not to say tat i no longer afraid)

so afraid tat i might just "eik" in an tragic event or sorts of things alike

then when life got busy with exams and other little things,i tend to put it aside

till one day,when one of the patient under our care took the last breathe

then we start to ponder again

and then continue to be busy again, with work, play ,eat,sleep, and others in life

it happens again and again

now and then

i was given a key chain from the myanmar meditation centre tat i been to

which on it written:

learn to die well

i remember one of my lecturers said,we,all of us
are walking nearer and nearer to death
from the moment we were born
each second,minute and hour
we are slowly walking nearer to "eik"

p/s: thoughts while attending palliative care course in MGH
wish to scribbled it down,as there might be one day when i start to lost my distant memory due to watever reason
i wish
i wish
someone dear to me can read to me wat was in my mind when i was still alert=)

ａｎａｔｏｍｉｃａｌｌｙ　ｒｏｍａｎｔｉｃ

2010-10-08T22:11:00.002+08:00

人家牵肠挂肚的等着，你且高乐去！　　清·曹雪芹《红楼梦》第二十六回

后来

2010-09-30T18:28:00.002+08:00

伤感

心疼那丧失爱人的痛

我无法感受那心被撕裂的痛

那痛不欲生的哭

嚎哭

若能让你释放一些痛楚

那请放任的哭

“有些路啊，只能一个人走“《目送》~龙应台

遗憾篇

2010-09-26T22:38:00.002+08:00

"與其讓你在我懷中枯萎　寧願你犯錯後悔
讓你飛向夢中的世界　留我獨自傷悲" ~陳佳明<遺憾>

no. 1

Venue: Operation theater
My consultant~Dr J: i can still remember the days i used to carry my school back and go to school, and it was as if yesterday. When my children are younger, i stupidly spend my time to do the master,sekarang my sons besar d, and i missed the time that they allow me to hug them...

no. 2:

Venue: MSW
Me: T, do u miss home?
IJ: Yes...
Me: How much?
IJ: It is like everytime i go back home, i look at my mother, and she looks different already...
Me: ... ... ...

是不是每个为事业付出的医务人员，都有一大罗的遗憾？

The first trimester

2010-09-16T07:32:00.002+08:00

No, i m NOT pregnant
It is just a description of the first 4 months of life since i graduated from medical school

People and seniors warn how terrible it might be
How i should be prepared to face and meet some horrible people who are darn hard to work with, and worse to work under
And the long tiring hours of work
The lack of sleep
and lack of filling into stomach
The period of ur life starting getting upside down
No proper food, no proper sleep( it is still precious if u get some food or sleep, even it is not proper, as per say,it is precious anyway=))

And i started mine in my hometown hospital
Had a hard time struggling whether to choose to appeal back from the biggest GH in s'wak to a small one in my hometown
It might change the learning process and the chances of my postgraduate studies
But, what the heck....i made a decision...and time flies fast before i have the chance to regret
(and i dun regret, i m happy tat i made such decision)

The first posting was O&G
Yes O & G!
and my response was OMG!
Tagging from 7am-10pm sometimes till 11+pm for 2 weeks
Tired to the max level
and once off tag,it was the first on-call awaiting for me

But weird,i cant remember the first call i had
Cant recall who was i on-call with
Or even what happened during the call

But i do remember some calls tat are so unforgettable
Tat i did not have a single chance to close my eyes from 7am till 5pm the next day
Or the call which is fulled with O & G drills of red alert
and the morning red alert at A&E where one got to run for blood and blood investigation results
Tat was the time i begin to realize:i love this posting
It was the adrenaline rush tat i fancy
The beautiful teamwork
The ability to know tat if u do enough the patient CAN survive

Colleagues are generally nice people to work with
Though there are certain people who are born in a way tat different from others
I accept the fact and do my very best to cope with it
Falling for the ego and confidence tat i never ever had in my life
Then wake up from the dream to realize tat it has to end
And stop dwelling into this mistake

Tears
was a way to release stress
The first was when i was too tense and refer a case of MMSL to MO
and instead of ARM ,i said MRI
(i laugh when i think back of it)
and i guess the worse part is when my senior HO was watching at the side and not helping

And the second time when the inferior complexity set in
The though of" i m not good...i m not competent....etc etc" sets in
The awful feeling tat pulled me down to the deepest point possible

Someone said
Life is made up by moments

I cant forget the moment when the mother looked into my eyes when we told her the baby has no longer has heartbeat

The moment when my heart skipped a beat when he talked to me( and thank god it is over)

The moment when my senior MO confirm my VE findings and found a gush of blood and patient was sent in urgent for placenta abruptio

The moment i attend a PPH in the ward

The moment when i see my seniors HO leave the department and i became senior HO but refuse to be one

And the best moment of all, to hear to srcub nurse,kak lily said" first count,correct,Dr Ho."when i did my first c-section with my specialist
My hand was shaking when i was closing the peritoneal layers
The post adrenaline rush,i guess,lucky i did not shake when i did the skin incision=)

And big thank u to all the staff in labour room and ward
They are like mommy
Teaching and taking good care of us
=)

FOr these experiences
I cant possibly forget my first trimester, can i?=)

别无它意

2010-08-23T19:55:00.002+08:00

那早餐
豆花
羊扒
布丁

真的纯粹想分享
不要求回报

因为
那天kak lahai为我买的roti canai
让我的心暖暖的一整天
让我惊觉
原来被关心
是那么的温馨

而我想分享的
纯粹就是那份感觉
让大家虽离家隔个南中国海
也能找到一点点的温情

就这么简单

那你。。。

为甚么。。。

。。。

拒绝我呢？

Limerence

2010-07-20T19:55:00.002+08:00

Nah...not that intense,i guess
Probably just infatuation
Merely that
The confidence level tat makes him so attractive in a way,well,at least to me
But for the rest of him
Big NO NO
So wake up,Jen,wake up,dun dig ur own grave
Open up ur eyes
There is something more important that what u have seen and feel

changes

2010-07-17T17:38:00.002+08:00

instead of hating u
liking u is much more easier
some sincere thoughts and expressions will do magics

the change of behavior
and the eye contacts
assured me tat at least u are not as in-humane as i thought

from strangers to friends
effort is needed
and i thank u for ur sincerity=)

醒

2010-07-11T16:49:00.000+08:00

文字里的你
和现实中的那个你
差个十万八千里

醒醒吧
可不能被虚幻的那个你
模糊了我的视线

the tears

2010-06-15T22:10:00.002+08:00

clear up the fear
and the doubts
and the worries

it just came so unexpectedly
in the not so suitable place

but oh well
so what
let it flow
and clear away the tiredness
like rain tat clear away the dust

What is miracle?

2010-06-10T19:08:00.002+08:00

教育
是唯一能改变未来的方案

education
is the only miracle

少数民族的心酸
谁能了解？

再多的经济辅助
就像给多多鱼
为何不给与教育
教他们捕鱼？

u

2010-05-28T00:03:00.001+08:00

teach me how to tolerate
test my patience
thickened my face
strengthen my will to survive and perform

so
i should like u
for u are here to complete me
at this phase of life

a big thank you to u

Here u go

2010-05-24T23:42:00.002+08:00

The life continues
Shedding from the shell of "medical student" to "doctor"
The learning phase begins
It starts from zero again
New people
New friends
New environment
New responsibilities
New things to explore
A whole new world

Do not fear
and be calm,jen

Was panic and inform the MO that the "MRI" done and was moderate meconium stained,instead of ARM
How stupid it was

And the SOL-lool-alike
Hmm....speechless
Oh well.....oh well...SOL might be good
just give time

=)

ARM
ARM
ARM
i wanna be good friends with the kocher's forcep

I pray...

2010-05-16T13:26:00.001+08:00

This is a wise choice that i've made
MYY x 2 years, at least that is...
May i not only survive, but LIVE through these 2 years of HO training
Here we go...
The moment is here=)

Always remember this....

2010-05-09T16:53:00.001+08:00

工作压力不堪时
请劳记
世界那么大
那一点压力
算什么。。。

人生的另一个阶段

2010-05-08T23:12:00.002+08:00

毕业了
两个月的假期来告一断落

打从收到那封来函感觉怪怪的
突然希望它大发慈悲让我在家乡的医院上班

离中学毕业有好些日子
当中有许多朋友都经过好几个人生阶段了
公作的已在社会打滚了下开口闭口似足经验丰富的人
有不少朋友已为人妻/夫
有的还当爸/妈了

有时还不禁的失落一下下
为何我还在原地踏步

如今就快工作了
学长细心提点
是时候在从新面对自己工作环境人事等等事务了

是的
是时候进入the next phase of life

祝我
勇敢面对
要坚强=）
一切如意

and so there is this guy who talks to ants....

2010-04-22T21:47:00.003+08:00

MSN the other day and got an message from Mr. Lyo
asking me to get the sin chew newspaper the next day
"okay...okay..i will get it..."
(thinking what is this guy up to this time...)
The last time we met in Bukit Jalil
80% of the talking was done by him
and so there u go, guys can talk!!!
and there goes the story how he becomes a vegetarian, and the activities he do now and then and all the updates
He gave me a book "embrace simplicity, travel light" by Dr Chan Kah Yen.

I din get to get a copy of the newspaper
Sold out coz i went to get it in the afternoon
But i guess it's a way to recycle to
I read the soft copy online here(hehe)
So there u go, Mr Lyo, job well done, and i cant resist to say Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu=)

错觉

2010-04-22T00:07:00.002+08:00

人们说
旅行，能开拓视野

前阵子的澳洲旅
到sunnybank 的意大利餐厅
waitress是亚洲人
开口的调调都很澳洲
我看着她
感觉有点时空交错=）

needed?

2010-04-20T11:52:00.001+08:00

Is branded bag which worth hundreds and thousand actually needed?
hmmm....

when east meets west

2010-04-15T11:12:00.003+08:00

dim sum + red wine

what an unique combination

青草

2010-04-15T00:36:00.000+08:00

文说: “在澳州，连扫街的工人都帅！！！“

“。。。。。。”（点头。。。）

i wonder...

2010-04-13T21:03:00.003+08:00

is it that the sky there is more attractive
Or it's just that i rarely do look up in the sky when i'm back in my land?

From Brisbane , with Love=)

2010-04-06T22:47:00.006+08:00

4th april 11.25am flight from Miri--KL: 2+ hours

9.25pm flight from KL-Gold Coast Coolongatta Airport: 8 LONG hours!!!!
Note: 8 long hours is not fun,esp when the seat cant be adjust+ too cold + no entertainment( surcharge of RM 30 if u wish to have that...)...i couldn't recall how long slept. but it wasn't fun.
Reached Gold Coast at 725am( 2 hours earlier than M'sia local time)=)

First stop: Breakfast at one of the cafe in Byron Bay, Gold Coast( cant recall the name)
We had two The Lot(thanks to Su Ching & Eva who have a guidebook(Entertainment Book)with many many discount coupons, so we et 1 free when we order one The Lot)
Drinks: Berry Berry milkshake
And oh, got Hui's Blackmore's Fish Oil for only AUD 30 for 400 capsules!!!!

Second Stop: Surfer's Paradise

The beach + bikinis + sun bathing + Ripley's Believe It or Not + Bubble Tea + saman for parking (aiks!!! bloody AUD 35 !!!only 2 minute late!aiks!!!!)+ Window shopping(not in the mood of shopping as yet, too tired after the long hours of flight)

Third stop: Marina Mirage

Max Brenner Chocolate Bar( u cant imagine how long the q is despite the price of the chocolates;) )

Palazzo Versace: like a palace, designer Versace=)

Next: mall for some groceries
they have auto-paying machine where customers scan their own groceries, pay with card or cash, and pack their groceries, with a machine, how nice is tat!!!
Next: E's home for rest and unpack=)
Dinner at Sunny Court : creamy cheesy pasta+ lamb with pepper mint+ rosemary chicken
Home & Zzzz...

6 April
A person with no or very minimal direction sense, took a while to find the train station despite shown by friend the night before( aiks...)
Train here is so user friendly, they have places for disabled people, place for wheelchair, i guess we have in in M'sia but i rarely seen anyone using it...
Seen a loving elderly couple sitting in front of me, sweet=)
another couple of back packers beside me, sweeter** haha

Reached Roma Street, walked around the Parkland Park, love the flowers there, and there are iguanas everywhere!!! aiks...
Rested a while and had some bread, then walked to look for King George's square and Queen Street Mall.

Took me a while to look for the perfume shop mentioned by Hui, i did walked in & out the central station for a few times then gave up, and cont walking,it was then i found the shop, after i bought 1 perfume Diesel Plus Plus 75ml( AUD 19) and 2 body butter(AUD 2.00 each) at a chemist(pharmacy)..aiks...
The perfume here are cheaper, they have sale almost >50% of the original price. Even the blackmores supplements haver 50% discount! so i love shopping in pharmacies here.
Get another perfume for Hui at AUD 59.90, Burberry The Beat. Sarah Jessica Parker's Body Mist ~Dawn at AUD 10, 2 packs of bath salt( AUD 3 each, which later found out they were made in China *-*)
On the way to Queen Street Mall, saw a few nice buildings, and the hospitals and clinics building designs look like hotel's. Awesome!!!

Finally reached Queen street Mall at around 3pm(Left home at 11am)...and i missed the King George Square, despite the guide direction by a handsome gentleman, aiks....
Grab some maps and info from the information centre and cont shopping=)
Had a Grand Angus Burger @ AUD 8.45 from Mc Donald =) Juicy beef...first time that i enjoy beef,haha

More souvenirs shop on queen street mall...shop shop
Got a shirt at AUD 9=) and ran to South Brisbane Train Station to meet up E, for movie n dinner.
We were late and the movie that we wanted to watch was fully booked( CLash of titans...) aiks...shopped too long at Queen Street Mall till i din get to book the ticket earlier...aiks aiks..
Went for sushi bar then New Zealand 's Natural ice-cream(super fruits+lime vailla) , went for a short walk at south bank artificial beach....and back for movie=)

After movie,stopped by a fantastic cafe La Dolce De Vita=) love it. Had a dessert where the waiter offer to give another one for free if we find it not nice! (but we decided to like the dessert=) (ricotta cheese). Had a Italian latte too=)

Next:Home and rest~

7th April
Another day to take a train, and this time i finally recognize the way to the train station( aiks...)

Stopped at South Bank station and had a walk in the Parkland Garden, not too bad.
Had a visit at the museum and art gallery too, i just realized i'm not that artistic to appreciate the art there=) But i do love the hats exhibition they have in art gallery, where kids are allowed to DIY their hats with materials provided. and there are some recycled art too. And the pic i love the most is this:(guess what's the scenario...)

I walked passed the Queensland University of Technology, saw some Malaysian-looking people there, and walked passed the Botanical Garden too....then reached the Marine Museum, where i bought some souvenirs.

The south bank has a very nice artificial beach,love it except the UVA＆ UVB...haha

Across the Good Will Bridge over the Birsbane River to the Queen Stree Mall, again...haha

We had our dinner at The Lab Bar & Restaurant...thanks to Eva's entertainment book that includes a 25% offer coupon=)
We headed to Mount Coot-tha , to see the scenery of Brisbane City,a good place to have a drink and enjoy the scene(hint~ and date)．

8th April
Woke up early and headed to Gold Coast.We had coffee made by eva's fantastic coffee machine, and a breakfast at Mc D drive through. After sending Eva's car to service and a walk in the hospital, i walked to Southport beach. Had a free water motorbike ride by a nice gentleman named Peter. I guessed i had enough of vit D that d, sitting down there on the beach to read mag for half and hour and then walked around the area=)
The australia fair is just opposite the southport, did some shopping there,and met very persuasive saleman, hmm...lesson learnt:never stop for anything like this anymore!!!

We had a quick lunch at Yum Cha, together with E's assistant, Yin, who's from Myanmar=)
I then shop around Oasis and took a train to the casino nearby for AUD2. Din walk much in casino though, and i walked to the Pacific fair=)
Tried zarrafah's coffee there, and E said it's better than Starbucks,haha=)
We headed back to Brisbane city to meet up Yoon Tong & Yi Ching at the Embassy Hotel bar=)
Then headed to Linda's place to stay over for a night.

9th April
Woke up late,coz i forgot to turn the mute mode off after the movie..aiks...but we did make it in time to E's dental appointment, phew,luckily not too bad the traffic.
I walked around the supermarket near the clinic and guess what, i bought a large size Vegemite=) for AUD 8 .
We grabbed another Zarrafah's coffee then headed to Ettamogah Pub. Tried Pure Blond Beer,very light beer=)

Then we had a tasty beef pie nearby before we headed to strawberry farm. It's not strawberry season so we just took some pictures and headed to Caloundra=)I personally find it is prettier than gold coast and the surfer's paradise,which are too packed with tourist,=)Had a lunch at The Above, a pizza,bread with nuts and herbs, chips, lime & bitter, and Ginger Beer.

Stopped by Linda's place and played with the little princess of hers,and she vomited on me ；（ The nougat and macadamia nut are available from the Sunnybank and thus we stopped by to get some.

This nite, i was busy packing and get ready to the long flight again.

10th April
Got up really early to catch the bus at City Garden to the airport, had the ticket booked online the night before for AUD 38.

and off to the plane....long flight.....ah....

and these are part of my luggage back from OZ=)awesome!!!

当澳客去吧！

2010-04-02T22:30:00.002+08:00

假期了一个月多，开始闷到长蘑菇了
忍不住到air asia网站
物色到便宜机票飞往黄金海岸
机票定了后兴奋的跳（哈！）
虽然只去个5-6天
我还是很满足

我们来当澳客去吧！

Clarity

2010-03-18T01:33:00.001+08:00

How do one remain his/her clarity of mind when problem arise?

It takes practice to hold our head on our shoulder when big things happen, right?

the sunset

2010-03-13T23:15:00.001+08:00

new place to hang out in Miri~The Marina bay
Love the Tai Li Boat Bar
Too bad they only serve beer and orange juice
It'd be much nicer if they've cocktail ;)

Yesssssssssss!!!!

2010-02-27T13:13:00.003+08:00

and the picture explains it all=)
Yes, we made it=)

Was crying with tears of joy when i know the result
and was laughed by sis when she heard my change of voice over the phone.hahaha

Thank u
the first person to have brought me in Medical School, Ignatius and his parents
I could have given up this if not for ur encouragement and help

Mama and papa
for raising me up and giving me all the freedom i need
to let me learn to be independent on my own
and yet to let me come back to u when i need

My elder sis, elder bro and younger sis,
for ur love
which is more than words

Those who support me financially so tat i can pursue this dream
thank u=)

My lecturers
who guide,teach and most importantly inspire me at many a time
to remind me to be a good person
not only a good doctor

My friends
who gave me support
all this while
u people are great !

and the seniors=)
who always willing to share with us =)

and also my spiritual friends=)
those who are from Buddhist SOciety=)
u ppl have no idea how much comfort u all give me in the past 5 years=)

THANK u=)

and to my friends who din make it through this time
DUN GIVE UP!!!
WE WILL BE THERE FOR YOU!
We will see u soon as HO,k=)

Good Luck C207

2010-02-21T23:53:00.001+08:00

Exam from 22-24 feb 2010
The final step to get our MBBS
Best of luck, C207!!!

We can do it!!!

sufferings sufferings ...is when i dun accept it as it is

2010-01-28T01:48:00.002+08:00

as hard as i can struggle
all the self blame
self pity
is not gonna help

and i realize
i can take as much time as i want
to waste my time in dwelling in these
and in the end make no difference

or
i can make a change
by accepting it as it is
and make the best of it

it might not be anything i ask for
i wish for a better condition if i could
but
wat is the point of keep asking it
"why me?" at this moment

accept it
and make a change,jen=)

学

2010-01-25T14:15:00.002+08:00

师父说：
学
有两个结果
1。学
2。不学

学了后，把它应用在生活上，叫学。
学了后，在生活上遇到难题时，又用惯性反应去面对，叫不学。

学不学到
好比学划船
学的对不对够不够
就得在遇到风浪时 testing testing 一番

谁说生活不容易？

谁说生活不难？

风浪来了

是时候显一显你的本事了

在外的七年

七年的没家琐碎事的好日子

兜大个圈是时候把在外学到的“功夫“
应用在这了

我学了
我学了

惯性反应
我们别再见了

more than words

2010-01-22T18:30:00.002+08:00

E M B R A C E

HARDWORK

PRESENT

2010-01-20T23:36:00.002+08:00

(inspired by Dr YTW's blog)

" Only this moment is life"

spotted!

2010-01-14T02:18:00.003+08:00

And yes,
i found another person that i look up to
(note to self: add to my idol list, in-line with DS,the 2 DK in our uni, Jimbo, Dr Yew....etc)
( the life as a doctor is a bit dull and stressed,
with these people who are so inspiring,
it makes the journey more fun
and remind me of enjoy the journey as i go along=)

p/s: but still...i cant stop complaining about the portfolios that we are working on...arghhhhhh,haha

I had the SPA interview today
Not bad lah~
Not as scary as i thought=)

The struggle between life and death

2010-01-11T23:36:00.002+08:00

是谁说的
母亲在生产的那一天是母难日
"是生存与死亡的一线是施恩与受惠的一刻"

在产房
那羊胎水+ 血腥味
还有妈妈的忍痛

看了你就会明白
为何妈妈会为孩子付出一切
甚至舍命
也在所不惜

* * *

p/s 有每有哪部经文
能让妈妈们顺利生产？

* * *

过去
每个人都有过去
那不光彩的
让它随风而逝

重要的是
改过自新

每个人
都有权力
获得原谅

你
还是受我尊敬的

The reflection on 31/12/09

2009-12-31T20:09:00.001+08:00

"What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death, In years that bring the philosophic mind.
"
— William Wordsworth (Intimations of Inmortality)

那十九岁的信件

2009-12-22T22:55:00.002+08:00

今天下午没电流供应
捱了一晚的on-call
睡眠十分不足
但没电
热的闷闷地
从床底翻出一盒文件一一整理
然后发现那封他十九岁那年的信
密密麻麻的一封信
写着生活的细节心得和思念

那年我们都还那么年轻
十九二十一
写过给对方的信
多的可汇聚成一本厚厚的日记
记着当时的点点滴滴

原来
我们那么爱过......

Kampung Angkat

2009-12-20T15:07:00.002+08:00

Just back from the Kampung Angkat Program where 3 of us were assign to stay with our foster family( keluarga angkat)

I must say that this is a very unique experience, to stay in Kampung house.
The rumah papan
The bath room that is built outside the house with very very very dim light
The cats that walk around in the house
The kitchen with a toilet bowl
and turn into a bedroom for all the children when the night falls
The toilet with 1/4 of the wall absent( dun ask me y)
and not to forget the we have to eat with our hands( i take 2x the time for my meals coz everytime i scoop,1/2 of the food drop into the plate instead)
The special smell in the kampung house

and most importantly
the foster mother
who is well known to be the "loud-speaker" of the kampung
she is loud
but she is definitely the one that makes the kampung lively

the children are not shy to be friendly with us
and i remember the boy said to me:"ala....kak dah pergi...boringlah..."

these people are not shy to welcome strangers to stay in their house
and feed them with the best food they have
and definitely not shy to tell u how much they like you...

so there was i
to embrace the simplicity of life of kampung people=)

龙应台《亲爱的安德烈》

2009-12-13T19:03:00.002+08:00

携子之手，与子偕老

“你需要的伴侣，最好是那能够和你并肩立在船头，浅斟低唱两岸风光，同时更能在惊涛骇浪中紧紧握住你的手不放的人。换句话说，最好她本身不是你比须应付的惊涛骇浪。”~ 龙应台《亲爱的安德烈》

IMU Buddhist Society

2009-12-12T19:30:00.001+08:00

Do visit our Buddhist Society Blog.
Sukhi Hotu!

亲爱的教授。。。

2009-12-11T20:31:00.002+08:00

抱歉
让你误解了我
我没有轻视你
更不敢不尊敬你
那眼神
只不过是我企图回想在课本念的文字
来回答你问的问题

我是怜悯你的
那么多同学都怕你
（讨厌你）

我希望
你过的好

真的

只是
我不明白
难道当我已很努力了
还无法理解一些医学原理时
向你请教
也是错吗？

我的“对不起“
却换来你45分钟的accuse

=(

闷

2009-12-09T20:41:00.001+08:00

被关在门里的那颗心
七上八下
闷闷地

一个人的命运
究竟在谁手中

没人爱的人们
被孩子离弃的父母
性格古怪的人们
不受同事欢迎的人
被后备嫌弃的长辈
失望的老师

顿时
我身边的一切
都好灰
好暗
闷闷地
这沉沉的空气
就快将我窒息

L. O. V. 3

2009-12-06T23:33:00.003+08:00

《成功恋爱学》~ 戴晨志

“在爱情上，只有骗取对方的爱情才是罪过，而不接受对方的爱情，却是诚实。”
Indeed, to get your love by hook or by crook, is a sin.
But, by not accepting your love, is just being honest.

thoughts

2009-12-05T22:31:00.003+08:00

The morning ward round during weekend was good
Seen the typhus patient the night before
The wife asked for my contact no.
I was wondering should i give
The ethical issue crossed my mind
Being in this profession
There are a lot to consider and hold for benefits of both patients and doctors

X X X

The time to choose the place for housemanship is near
Miri as it is my hometown?
Or go some bigger centre like Kuching first?
So how?
Kuching?
KK?
Miri?
Or do i really have to put Sibu as one of my choices?

X X X

The hair stylist swing and turn and change his tools
The silver sparkling scissors, professional scissors
And "swoop...swoop...swoop..."
The hair fell like shredded paper...
And there goes my shoulder length hair...

X X X

One lie leads to more lies
I shall not lie if possible
Even if for small matters
Coz u'll never know that very little lies which u thought was just a small tiny little issues, can break others' trust to u
Hmm
Except white lies...perhaps

X X X

Read a book called"亲爱的安德烈”~ 龙应台
Love it
Gonna have it for my Christmas gift=)

X X X

so u've graduated
it reminded of the promise that we were too young to believe it would be hold
说好的辛福呢?

X X X

The bright moon
Reminded me of the poem we used to read in secondary school
Beautiful words
I feel so blessed to know my own language
And to read those awesome work by our poets thousand years ago

陶醉其中=)

Serve the medication!!!!

2009-12-02T17:08:00.003+08:00

The first thing we do when we arrive in the ward: Check Mr J's temperature chart
( i pray: Let the fever come down,let the fever come down, then our diagnosis is correct and the patient will be better...)

When we saw the chart
We are so disappointed!
The fever spiked last nite, the wife said
Gosh...i saw the chart...
Our diagnosis of scrub typhus is wrong?
What else can it be?

Hmm....

Then...we forgot one thing
When the patient doesn't response to treatment
FIRST: check diagnosis again
Second: IS THE MEDICATION ACTUALLY GIVEN??
AH ah....there it goes, the med was nit given!
Gosh

This is the second time i feel like jumping in the ward
The first being a few days ago when we found the eschar and the MO started DOxy in view of probable diagnosis of typhus
Second time was this morning when i found out the wonder drug was not served!!!!!Aiks!!!!!! Ish!......

Just...let me sleep in peace

2009-12-01T14:19:00.002+08:00

The Unusual Bodily Experiences....again
I felt i was dragged out of bed
I could see i was dragged out of my bed
I tried to protest
Kicking ...kicking to set myself free
And i hit the small table
My blue sheets fly all over
The whole scene is like watching a video in a slow mode
U can actually see the slow motion of the table falling down
The papers fly up then all over the floor

Oh...
not again...
i think i have sleep disorder

i miss i miss....

2009-11-30T16:54:00.003+08:00

i feel like jumping for joy

2009-11-30T15:22:00.003+08:00

* Picture taken from HERE

It is the "exhilaration",as what Dr C said.

To be able to come to a diagnosis
when u recognize the sign

Oh my!
It's the ESCHAR!!

I hope the patient's fever comes down and get well after we start the Doxy
and the blood result comes back soon to confirm the diagnosis

Oh, DK, ur such a genius! 五体投地=)

Sharing 1 Crush...crushed...

2009-11-26T02:08:00.001+08:00

Read this from Moonpointer

Would like to share this here:

How a Crush was Crushed

Once upon a time, Zeph was going to school when a beautiful girl crossed his path. She was so elegant, so gentle, that it shocked him so. Her image haunted his mind - for he had never seen anyone who looked so wonderful. In fact, he had never seen anything so exquisite before.

On the bus one day, she happened to be sitting near. From the name tag on her school uniform, Zeph saw that her name was Qin. When he reached home, Zeph would look out of the window to see where she returned to. Next, Zeph wrote many letters of admiration to Qin, slipping them secretly under her door.

One morning, Zeph plucked his courage and introduced himself to Qin. She smiled and said a few words of greetings... before the bus came. The next day, Zeph received a letter from her, which said that she already had a boyfriend, though she was happy to be friends with Zeph. Zeph was disappointed. But surprisingly, he was more disappointed that the letter was poorly written. The letter had misspellings and broken grammar. Her handwriting looked childish and irregular too. Her phrasing was simple but almost unclear.

This one letter seemed to be the exact opposite of all the relatively articulate letters that Zeph wrote to her. Qin's image of perfection immediately shattered in Zeph's mind. She was a dream lover - but perfect only in his dreams. It was time to wake up. From this case of his puppy love, Zeph realised that the mind of the beloved was more important to him than the form. Then again, the words in her letter were only forms too. To dissolve his broken heart, Zeph burnt the letter - not out of anger, but to let his sadness and attachment go.

if tomorrow never comes...

2009-11-21T11:21:00.002+08:00

Call this PTSD( Post-traumatic Stress Disorder)
Blame the 2012 movie lah~
With all the sad scenes
And scary disaster
And the touching moments
Which knock my head so hard ( sOOOO Much harder than the glass that i knocked on at Starbucks,Melaka...!@#$%^ D*mn! =( ...yes,u can laugh out loud...)

Why is the fear so intense?
The fear that we dun have much time?
我怕来不及。。。

太棒了！

2009-11-20T14:58:00.002+08:00

Guess who's this!!!

I was so excited to be there for his talk.
It was good! Great !
=)

i gonna share some when i got time to write an entry about it yeah=)

< oh...i got his signature !!!! Yeah yeah>

Let's go!

2009-11-17T16:55:00.000+08:00

I know i might sound crazy to want to go to this talk so much.
But hey,this few more months might be my last few months in west m'sia, and i dun wanna miss this chance=)
Some more, i m so excited to be able to see my idol there=) oh yeah!!!

This feeling...or rather disability to feel?

2009-11-11T00:22:00.002+08:00

What happen when one is not able to feel extremely happy/sad/disappointed and etc?
Having friends who are much more expressive emotionally makes me wonder:
Am i normal not to feel those emotion that intensely?

$ $ $

2009-11-07T23:30:00.002+08:00

I went for the Amway gathering
[Can u believe it? I cant even believe that i did that!!!
This is the second time in my 5 years medical school that someone around me is so into this business and i just think : we'll see what they're doing lah~]

I take it as a social thingy
I cant imagine myself standing there and teaching people how to do make up
Or how to make muffins
Or what supplements we need for our health
( i m not sure whether that is against the professional of a doctor to involve in such a business thighy,but i think i m just an observer so far, and a consumer for the product ~)

So,like what the Abba sang:( DUN remind me that i m OLD for listening to classics songs, they are classics,k=) )

money money money
"I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills I have to pay
Ain't it sad
And still there never seems to be a single penny left for me
That's too bad
In my dreams I have a plan
If I got me a wealthy man
I wouldn't have to work at all, I'd fool around and have a ball "

This is what i am told most of the time by people around me
I m not sure
But so far i dun see myself being rich one day
Just hope it will be enough
Maybe i m wrong
But more doesn't mean better sometimes
Right?
I dunno

But there is this one friend who shared with me from his experience
He felt relieved when his apartment was broken in
As those things are no longer his

Most people will think this guy must be nuts or fool

But for me
i think that thought is beautiful

I dunno
Call me a foo if u like
but i m happy for this wonderful thought

U have to listen to this song and get into the meaning of each line=)

2009-11-05T22:29:00.003+08:00

I just have to post this
I have to do this now
(even i have 30% of my portfolio on Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy still in progress...)
Heard in on the way to Kluang this morning
And gosh....guess what
I was so touched by the words
And more importantly
It somehow have impact in my view towards life~

歌曲：对你说
词：王筝
曲：王筝
编曲：柯肇雷

歌词：

你睡着了手掌轻握
脸颊上有浅浅酒窝
在这一刻我看着你
好多话想说给你听

如果明天你就长大很多
我会不会觉得不知所措
你不再想让我（牵）握你的手
每天盼望从我掌心挣脱

你也会爱上一个人付出很多很多
你也会守着秘密不肯告诉我
在一个夜晚依着我的肩
泪水止不住的流了一整夜

和你一样我也不懂未来还有什么
我好想替你阻挡风雨和迷惑
让你的天空只看见彩虹
直到有一天你也变成了我

The spleen "qi"

2009-11-04T20:12:00.001+08:00

aka the TEMPER =)
(direct translation from Mandarin)

So what is this thing?
Why is human so affected by this?
And at time get so blown away by it?

好脾气的人在哪里？

How?

2009-10-28T11:26:00.002+08:00

How would u react when others misunderstood u?

How would u survive if u have a nasty boss?

那野蛮的上师

气死人！！！

can i give that person a mirror to let her reflect herself??

Aiks....

aiks...

hai....

The expected ... the hope...the birth...the joy and laugthers... and then comes the unexpected events

2009-10-24T13:43:00.002+08:00

And so a happily married couple preparing to have a happy family
The first child comes
The second child comes
The third child comes

Starting from the day the little being has a life in the uterus
With all the changes in the mommy's body
She can't fit in her MNG S size dress
She can't wear her Jimmy Choo's high heels
And the appointments to the doctor's office to make sure the little ones grow well

And so she was told she needs an operation to deliver the baby
Because of the low lying placenta
And the risks of the surgery to the little precious one and of course herself

The surgery went well
With a surgical wound that lie at the bikini line
And weeks of difficulty in walking around
Even tiny little movement cause pain to the wound

And time flies
With all the worries and of course the joy the child bring

And when he should have started to walk and run around
The loving mommy and daddy get worried
And visits to hospitals becomes a routine
The diagnosis sounds like Greek to them

I stood there
Looking at the child
The cheerful little child
With eyelashes longer prettier than the one shown in the Lo'real mascara advertisement
He gave me a "salam"
A peck on my hand

My heart sank
For knowing that this child will face many hardships in times to come
For knowing the prognosis doesn't sound so good

And there i stood
And look at the family
And secretly say a little prayer
May God bless them
May they be strong
......

... the sleeping virus

2009-10-21T22:52:00.003+08:00

Current status: Attack by sleeping virus
The moment i get up from bed in the morning, the first thought is
"can i continue to sleep?"

This is bad.
Bad.
Bad.
Bad.

Yawning and tearing during the ward rounds and case discussions due to lethargy and a sense of malaise...or watever

Gosh...help me

The gym sessions din help to boost energy leh~

I wish not to rely or get addicted to caffeine
But...oh my,the Kluang Kopi-O did have some effect
Oh well...maybe i have just found what i need!

p/s pic shown a small model of chibi maruko bought from Taiwan, thanks to S, m loving those small models=)

Thoughts...scratch head...

2009-10-20T13:50:00.002+08:00

And so He said:
Annicca( Impermanence)
All conditioned things are impermanent

If love is conditioned
If friendship is conditioned
If hatred is conditioned
If joy is conditioned
If anger is conditioned
(what kind of thing arise without condition?)

Then they are impermenent?
They are prone to change
Either better or worse
But never stay the same

So if this is so
Why am i so upset over this?
Or perhaps
This upset feeling,is too,not forever,it is transient, and therefore,i shall move on and strive......

Lend ur helping hand...

2009-10-19T14:26:00.003+08:00

We saw a little cheerful,child with neurofibromatosis 1 in ward today.
Remind me of Yvonne foong, who is a Malaysian blogger, a neurofibromatosis 2 patient. She is fighting with NF with all that she has. I admire her spirit =)
Please do visit her blog and support her by buying her T-shirt for her surgery,=)

http://www.yvonnefoong.com/

Reflection from cinema

2009-10-17T10:16:00.002+08:00

We have been to cinema for twice this week
(* Darn...it is not that FREE in final year, just that we have comparatively more flexible time in current posting
Btw, i hope this 5 weeks will not kill my interest in Peads...gosh, only those who have gone through it here know what i mean=( )

9 of us even went to S'pore for a 2 days 1 night trip before the current posting start
Nice trip as this is my first visit there.
The custom is so so so so much better than the one in Miri-Brunei(aiks... ;( )

Hmm
Just a thought
Is it THAT hard to live with another person?
We often find that or at least have the perception that once a few friends stay together
Problems and issues arise
I guess that is fair enough( or at least expected)
Coz we are raised from different family background
And when differences appear
Some people react with acceptance( at last)
(but initailly) react with non-acceptance
So... how?
I dunno
But the whole point is that
We HAVE to live with others at some point of our lives, right?

* Read THIS.
I love the tagline of the movie : This is not a love story. This is a story about love.

Oh well,i m in no position to say why should people fell in love or why should people stay single. I guess i find myself agreeing in either sides at different situations. Oh well..oh well...what can i say...what we expect might not be what we get, so we have to learn to accept and compromise...and...HOPE to be better,right?

Accept

2009-10-14T22:42:00.001+08:00

Life is easier if we accept whatever comes to us?

Is it true?

Simply an Infatuation

2009-10-12T00:12:00.003+08:00

Oh yes
That was simply an infatuation back then
And i guess sometimes things are best left unfinished
As conditioned things are subjected to change
If it had ended the way i wanted it
It could had ended the way out of my expectation

Like some pretty,princess like icon, who passed away at a young age
I dunno why
But someone said"i cant imagine how she'll be like when she grows old"
or on MJ's sudden death tat
"i cant imagine him at 70 years old,with the osteoarthritic knees and still doing the moonwalk"

For me
I guess things are just the way they are
When the conditions arise
The result occur
I may want it so much to be the way i want it that time
But now looking back
And seeing where i m today
I know
All those things
They DO happen for a reason

I am here now at this state of mind,this state of being,because of all those things=)

p/s* Dun ask who is that. It doesn't matter, isn't it?=)I smile with joy to come to realize something during this weekend trip=)

Choices and judgement

2009-10-05T17:28:00.002+08:00

I m a person who does not like to make decision
Maybe tat is the reason to explain my "excellent" sense of direction ( am famous for that amongst those who know me well,i m just hopeless when come to directions...)

I wish not to judge people
coz i dun like to be judged

But...in reality
I have choices to make
Direction sense to build up( from zero)
and in my career...there are lots of decisions and clinical judgments to make

Why do i always end up with something that i m not good in?
Haiz....

i think i'm going home~

2009-10-04T00:21:00.006+08:00

* A birthday cake by mom=)

Moved to BP for almost a month now
Has been thinking a lot on whether to choose to go back hometown for my housemanship
(forgive me for thinking too much,at this stage where i have a final to sit for before i start working)

Been home for a week during the Hari Raya
And little did i know there is someone in our batch really made full use of the raya and get married=) Hehehe=) And he's a married man now! I still cant believe that i have married people as my batch mate=) Happy for him=)

Back home
Sis with the 2 little princess brighten up our home
With laughter and joy

For the very first time
I felt like at home
And i want to go home=)

I cant tell y
I was trying hard to get away from home since young
Maybe that was the only rebellious thought i have
(only~hahah...)

We had a dinner at a restaurant for my birthday
Oh yes,and that was the very first time we had such a celebration
The last time i remember was when i was 12
and i asked for a birthday party
and invited a few good friends of mine for a birthday lunch=)

Then the other years in secondary school ...mostly spend with friends
Pre-uni time spend in Sabah
Uni time spend with someone which i tot we would grow old together
( hmm~ )
Tat was the first part of uni
The later part of uni life..again spend most of my birthdays away from home

And so...this time
we have it at home
and we managed to take a family photo

Looking at the photo
With all the smiles on the faces of my family
I guess i have found the reason to be home

* I think this picture is beautiful=)

because forever doesn't exist

2009-09-27T00:36:00.002+08:00

...therefore i m glad that this doubt will be over anyhow
sooner or later...

this is the second time
and we shall see how long i can "tahan" to click the "undo" button
Gosh...
This isn't easy

joy...bliss... blessed...

2009-09-25T00:12:00.002+08:00

From the mind of a 3-year-old

2009-09-24T17:23:00.002+08:00

The new VS old

The little Janice sit on my lap
I asked: "who am i?"
Janice: "you're "jiu-jiu(旧旧姨姨） yi-yi( means: jiu-jiu aunty)
me: "what? my name is jen jen wor~"
Janice: " coz another aunty is xin-xin(欣欣same pronunciation as new（新）in mandarin) yi-yi,so u are jiu-jiu( old-old) aunty.."
me and mom: LOL!!!!

*p/s: i dun feel old,and i m not old=) wahahaha

Let's have a cocktail,yeah?

2009-09-23T22:05:00.003+08:00

Had a cocktail at coco's =)
The Zombie

1 part white rum
1 part golden rum
1 part dark rum
1 part apricot brandy
1 part pineapple juice
1 part papaya juice
½ part 151-proof rum
Dash of grenadine or other syrup
(Source: wikipedia)

I wonder how is the life of a bartender,must be pretty interesting,rite?

I am coming home~

2009-09-14T20:12:00.002+08:00

Dear XXX,

I am going home next week during the Hari Raya holiday! Yeah!
This might be the longest holiday i have before i graduate,which is in feb 2010, to be exact, in 19 weeks time.
In 19 weeks time,i will graduate and become doctor! Can u believe it?
The life in BP is alrite, so far can tolerate with the small little changes from the previous life style.
Have been thinking where to choose to do my housemanship,maybe it's too early to think about it now,u might laugh and tell me that i have made up my mind and no point asking u for opinion. Oh well, i just want an opinion ...

There are things that i see and experience that change my mindset lately. Oh...u might say that i often feel so...but i do really feel so ~

So the plan to heading home~
Either stay one night or two in KL then head for KLIA on Sat early morning, or go KLIA on sat evening and try to experience how is it like to spend a over-night at KLIA=) I know it sounds crazy,but i guess i just wanna do crazy things once in a while and have a good laugh at it,what do u think? =)

Alrite,gotta go to continue my portfolio=)
I so wanna tell u that,i miss u=)

Yours,
Hop3

the letters not sent

2009-09-12T22:39:00.001+08:00

Maybe it was for good that there was no internet connect in the first 2 weeks here in BP
Or else the letters that i have written might have ended up in your mail box
With consequences that i cant imagine

So maybe it was for good

Letters to be written
but not send
and will never be read by u

palpitation

2009-08-28T22:26:00.002+08:00

The phone rang
And the screen showing a name tat makes my heart rhythm skipped a beat
or maybe tatchycardia just sets in like that
JUST like that

LUP DUP LUP DUP LUP DUP
I could clearly hear my own heart beat
PALPITATION

Oh tell me
I was just over reacting
And this is not real
Coz i need to get over this
sigh~

getting out from the dark side

2009-08-21T00:49:00.002+08:00

How does one live through it
and came out from it
without PTSD?

Are we
human
attracted to suffering
even we know how painful it is to undergo the pain
but still like the insect
keep going for the fire
even it kills
〈飞蛾扑火？〉

Love is the answer

2009-08-07T11:57:00.003+08:00

"it matters not who you love,
where you love,
why you love,
when you love,
or how you love,
it matters only that you love." ~John Lennon

我需要你

2009-08-04T19:26:00.004+08:00

是的

先生

是你

我需要你

怪那考试的压力

怪时间太少

怪总是睡不够（偏在这时候来赖床。。。怒~）

我要如何告诉你

我真的需要你

真的

真的。。。

请帮我转告他好吗？

他的名叫

血

清

素

a.k.a serotonin

*原谅我的无聊。。。唉。。。好难挨哦！！！~-~
** 脑海一直想起lady marmarlade 那首疯狂的歌~我的天啊！！！

contentid="c2ef7e3d7f07612b" width="320" height="266">

** Specially translated for Farah=)

Yes
Mister
It's YOU
I need YOU
Blame the stress of exam
Blame the short time available for exam preparation
Blame that i sleep too much ( have hypersomnia at this time,What de....grhhh)
How do i tell u that
I REALLY
REALLY
REALLY
NEED U
Can u please pass him the message for me?
And this gentleman's name is
...
..
.
S
E
R
E
T
O
N
I
N
.
..
...

P/s forgive me for the lameness, this exam is just far too stressful for me to handle
** and this song kept floating in my mind,Oh my oh my!Crazy,isn't it?
haha

读你

2009-08-02T12:24:00.002+08:00

是谁说的
读一个人写的文字
就像在读他的人？

“读你千遍也厌倦
读你的感觉像春天。。。“

* 考期不好受
思绪有点乱
唉=（

** 读已故导演雅诗敏的部落格
读她的思绪
真情流露。。。

The good news,very happy for GF=)

2009-08-01T00:50:00.002+08:00

See here
GF texted me while i was in the middle of panicking for the preparation for my final exam.
Very happy for him =)
But the panic for exam overtook everything
coz i slept for 2 hours after coming back from the study group( Da** it!... sorry for saying this word...hai....)
Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS, GF!!!( i cant say "i'm proud of u",can i? hahaha)
SO i help him to advertise here =)

Had a online OSCE station with sine nomine
for smoking cessation...thanks ,EY=)

Sent mom a message asking her to wake me up tml am when she gets up for work,and the reply warm my heart:
" oK! My love. Take it easy n u can manage it!"

My mom called my MY LOVE!!! growing up in a family where love is well expressed (typical chines family~ 爱在心　口难开）,this message means something to me, like a booster for my preparation for this final exam=)

To Cheng Hiang,who's sitting for his Post-graduate exam on 1st August, GOOD LUCK! ALL the BEST!I m looking forward for ur good news ,yeah!

And to the rest of us sitting for the exams in our final medical school year,ADD OIL,my friends=)WE CAN DO IT!!!

Time lost,is brain lost

2009-07-26T20:35:00.003+08:00

Got a message from L, mentioning impermanence when he heard the news of the passing away of the famous director, Yasmin Ahmad.

Many who watched her films,will be touched by the meaning the films trying to convey.Click on the link above to watch her advertisements on YouTube. And her blog here.

May she rest in peace.

And may we all learn, and beware of the importance of keeping the blood pressure at ideal level, by seeking treatment early and compliant to medication,

and,

be aware of the early signs and symptoms of stroke.

24 孝的妈妈

2009-07-26T17:30:00.002+08:00

气
长那么大了
为和还要年迈的母亲走路为你打包晚餐

她大包小包
一个人从老远
坐长途巴士
还左提右拿大包小包的东西
都是你的

你忍心吗？

你哪可以这样！

~怒~ 啊！！！

hOW CAN U! hOW COULD U!

这什么念头麻！？

2009-07-25T19:04:00.001+08:00

我的爸妈
在家乡

他们没来探望我
我也不敢要求

考期到了
屋友的爸妈也跟着忙
来照顾宝贝孩子

有时难免
不自禁的难过

我是谁家的宝贝？

The last end-of-posting exam in Semester 9

2009-07-24T19:48:00.002+08:00

So it ended
Honestly,i was not prepared for the exam
Darn=(

And now,really have to concentrate on the final exam starting on 12th August

Medicine
Surgery
Family Medicine
Orthopedics
O & G
Paediatrics
Psychiatry
Minor Postings: Dermatology, Ophthalmology, ENT, Radiology, Anesthesiology

MEQ
OSPE
OSCE

Having difficulty to concentrate
But i just HAVE TO,like wat CH said, I HAVE TO

By the way, read a good article on Complementary Chinese Medicine

Not bad eh? =) My GF so happy if only he can read this( i bet he'll ask his secretory to read it to him)

And bravo to Sin Chew Daily News for good articles to raise the awareness of depressions

A dreamer's scribbles: 家有中等生

2009-07-20T13:19:00.000+08:00

A dreamer's scribbles: 家有中等生

It will bring you a long,long way

2009-07-19T19:18:00.003+08:00

Yes,it will
The PASSION,the ENTHUSIASM in what u do
It will bring u a long,long way

Watched the TV show on Ballroom dance
Ignite my passion towards ballroom dance
I then make a promise to myself
I MUST continue the class after i graduate!!!

The passion in Medicine
I must remind myself again and again
I confess at times i do complain the amount of books to read
the skills to acquire
the clinical reasoning to practice over and over again
the long hours of work that i will have
the stress that i will face( and facing some already right now)

BUT...
If this is my passion
I shall do it willingly and whole-heartedly
So, i must remind myself this again and again
that the stress that i m going through
is to prepare me
to train me

FEAR
should not arise
even if it does
remind myself that there is nothing to be fear of

A msg from a friend,sharing on what he thinks about life
"life is like check-in and check-out,
we bring nothing when we check-in,
so do we when we check-out...
so give it ALL when u do something..."

A point to ponder
so i post this entry

For now,
off to continue study =)

a daily reminder

2009-07-17T22:46:00.003+08:00

"When we forget the real reason we are living for,
the worldliness of life becomes like quicksand that sucks you into a spiritual vacuum.
When that happens, we live less and less; we merely stay alive."
Shian (TheDailyEnlightenment@yahoogroups.com)

Reflection:
Live with passion.
Don't just survive through it, but live it!

P/s:
Lessons learnt today from Prof B:
1. Be systematic
2. Practice, practice and practice
3. It is up to us to acquire the skills ( Quote Prof: "i cant cut a piece from me and give it to u") (later in the evening,i found myself saying " i wanna teach u, but u dun wanna learn,wat can i do?" to the little monkey. It surprised me when i heard myself saying that. Darn...i bet i understand how prof feels)
4. Be humble, listen to others.

and from Dr L:
say Thank God it's Monday;rather than TGIF=)
Love ur job,and time flies.

Counting down to the end-of-semester exam
Breathe...breathe...
I can make it!

Note to self:
Dun get too stress
A little bit of it helps to push me forward
To an extra mile if possible
Dun get depress
For it doesn't help
And i have been through it
With effort
i can make it through
and i m not alone

"The great Buddhist sage Nagarjuna said:

If there is a remedy when trouble strikes,
What reason is there for despondency?
And if there is no help for it,
What is the use of being sad?

So come what may, I'll never harm
My cheery happiness of mind.
Depression never brings me what I want;
My virtue will be warped and marred by it."

yes...so come what may...

What a day...

2009-07-15T23:07:00.002+08:00

Have been having difficulty waking up in the morning since this semester started
The alarm snooze for n times each day
And tat's y my phone battery runs off faster nowadays

How lah...
Send out sms for help from GF and L
Two reply
Different lessons learnt

From GF:
Is medicine what u wanna do?

From L:
In hospital...she's not doing well...

Reflection at end of the day,
esp after the session with Dr Ling,the paediatrician
(p/s I love paediatricians, they are always inspiring people to be with! so nice and friendly people, so human, and so wise, so zen...=) )

1. "what is the happiest thing that happen to u in this year?"
- Reflection: yeah, this is practicing putting positive effect into our lives,by counting our blessings. At the end of the sharing, everyone is happy. I get very happy(even though the presentation din went well...but lesson learnt)

2. PASSION is contagious! U can see and feel it from Prof B! and i respect her to max! 五体投地！Be passion in whatever u do, then things will fall into places...and u wont have difficulty getting up in the morning(opss...i guess i have to go on for the soul searching process again...初心=愿= 梦想！）

3. To be able to wake up in the morning is a good news. Wake up and look into the mirror and tell myself: This is gonna be a GOOD day! (must do it from now onwards!)

~有点啊Q。。。但不管了，我必须加油！
L, 祝你安好=）Sukhi Hotu,with Metta.

人与人

2009-07-13T16:47:00.002+08:00

人与人之间
有什么联系？

有人说
有人的地方，就会有人事，有是非
什么是是？
什么是非？

相处
是一门学问修行
学习如何与人相处
接受之间的不同点
不同之处让我们有更多分享的机会
不是吗？

看见听见周边的朋友遇上人事问题
提醒了我
我要学习和人在一起
圆融是我的目标

今天看见图书馆理员的心情有些波动
对她的言行感到莫名其妙
但还是想愿她calm and peaceful + well and happy

也愿遇上miscommunication 朋友们早日connect 回
化解误会

遇到情感上波折的老友
我祝福您
may u be well too

一起面临大考的战友们
我们一起努力

感恩B 教授的教悔
她inspire 了很多同学们
看她那么热诚于医疗与医学
提醒了我
用心，就是专业
还有，记得记得
要用common sense!

p/s 离考期不远了，害怕，担心，紧张。。。
但知道我不孤单
深呼吸
专注
one thing at a time
记得念医的初心
这条路
一步一步走下去
加油！

F.O.C.U.S

2009-07-10T23:44:00.002+08:00

Dear Me,
Please concentrate and focus and focus and focus
I know you can do it
All u need to do is put all ur heart in
I can see u doing it well
I can hear u doing it well
I can feel u doing it well
I know and i m confident that u will do it well

It's not exam
it is just evaluation of what u have learn in clinical school
so be calm
and keep ur head
u know it u know it
Practice practice and practice
U CAN DO IT!

~p/s note to self:
1.recite this BD a day, one on morning and one before sleep
2.Add p.r.n when needed
3.Always remember all the inspiring Prof and lecturers i have
4.Study study study
5.Be happy~happy mind can function better~and so do a calm mind are conducive to happiness
6.Change the way u look at the situation, but not let the situation control ur emotion.
7.Believe yourself you can do it. and put in effort.
8. Be positive. Remember the law of attraction?
9. Priority first.
10. Always count my blessings and show gratitude =)

“如果你沒有熱情，你可能喪失將來再往前走的動力。“

2009-07-07T19:02:00.002+08:00

*从台湾的小葵的部落格看到的一篇文章，想与你们分享=）

蔡英文：年輕人得培養跨領域的生存能力

蔡英文：年輕人得培養跨領域的生存能力
作者:編輯部 2006.12.20／第362期

　「相較於我們，你們是幸福的，因為你們的老師都受過一流的訓練，」但是，「我不願
意再過一次年輕人的生活，因為我蠻同情你們，你們的前途很坎坷，」行政院副院長蔡英
文，在十二月一日《天下雜誌》於成大舉行的「實力，就是未來」校園論壇中，對著全場
爆滿的學子們說。在科技如此發達的今天，當資訊的取得對大家都是既簡單又迅速，那麼
年輕人的競爭基礎在哪裡？大學應給學生哪些必要的生存訓練？蔡英文誠摯地分享她的求
學歷程：

　剛才來的路上，我在想，台灣的教育告訴我了什麼？

　在我們那個年代的台大，尤其是法律系，有德國教育出來的老師，有受日本教育的老師
，也有美國回來的老師，每一個人都有不同的背景。他們的背景、表達方式、邏輯都不一
樣。在這樣的教育環境下，我一直覺得做學生是件很痛苦的事情。

　我記得，畢業前最後一科考試後，有一個同學從後面趕上我，說「蔡英文，我今天報仇
了。」我問他為什麼？他說「平常老師講的我都沒聽懂，今天我的考卷他一定看不懂。」
這一句話，真的道盡了我們大學四年。

　回想大學四年教了我什麼？我都不太記得，但是我的老師們至少教了我一件事情，那就
是當你不懂的時候，要怎麼去求生存。

　相較於我們，你們是幸福的，因為你們的老師都受過一流的訓練，他們的思考比較有系
統，教育也有系統。可是，我發現你們年輕人正在喪失一個必須的生存能力。你沒有辦法
在一個複雜的邏輯網絡裡面，去釐清跟處理一件事情。

　外面很多事情，不是學校裡可以學到的。外面的世界變得很快，你今天四年所學到的東
西，很可能當你畢業時，就已經過時了。

想不想再過一次大學生活？
　我常常問我自己說，到底想不想再過一次大學生活？跟各位很坦白的說，我不想再過一
次那樣的生活了。

　我記得小時候念書，常常聽不懂別人說什麼。後來我發現，在學習過程中，每個人領受
的能力，就像天線一樣。你的頻率不一定跟老師的頻率一樣。你常常會聽不懂，所以就必
須調整。最寶貴的學習過程，是那個調整的過程，而不是你記得老師告訴你什麼。

　當年念法律系，會發現每一個問題的解決辦法，一定有甲說，乙說，跟丙說，甚至到丁
說。但是在現實裡，只有三說，就是肯定說、否定說、跟一個調和後的學說。

妥協，不是犧牲原則
　其實在人生裡，很多問題都是妥協說。妥協，不是犧牲原則。很多人把妥協跟犧牲原則
劃上等號。如果你是這種態度的話，那你的日子會很痛苦，而且呢，你沒有辦法解決事情
。因為只要是人，思想一定會不一樣，會有衝突。這個時候，就必須要經過協調的過程。

　我們以前去談判時，有些年輕代表為了表示他是意志堅定的，一開場就說「這是無法妥
協的！」我會跟他講說「那你今天來幹嘛？」如果問題要解決，你就要妥協。

　我不願意再過一次年輕人的生活，因為我蠻同情你們，你們的前途很坎坷。因為現在的
科技非常發達。

　這個世界好像沒有去不到的地方，或接觸不到的東西。好像什麼都能靠電腦幫你解決。
然後之後呢？之後你們的日子會很難過的。當資訊的取得對大家都是簡單的、及時的、而
且是迅速的，那你的競爭基礎在哪裡？

　我在康乃爾大學念書的時候，常到圖書館書庫裡找判例。找到那一剎那，你會有種虛榮
感，因為你跟這麼多書本在一起，而且你可以處理這些書裡的知識。

　可是今天，你只需要進到資料庫，輸入關鍵字，電腦就可以幫你做到了，甚至連那個評
析它都幫你找出來。那你拿什麼跟人家競爭呢？單單知道怎麼去取得資訊，是不夠的，這
些已經是基本條件了。

　你們這個世代比我們這個世代辛苦，如果你要面對競爭，有些是基本條件。

　第一，你必須能夠「運作」，而且是在跨國界的情境裡運作。

　將來你會發現，你所工作的環境，無論是坐在家裡也好，或是在辦公室，你的情境，其
實已經是跨越國界了，有時候更是跨越時空。你必須要讓自己在不同的文化、不同情境的

互動裡，都能夠自在。

　當你跟一個英國人講話時，你要用他的文化角度、他的語法，跟他講話。當你跟美國人
講話時，用他的腔調、他的邏輯去講。

　我曾經在兩個星期裡飛完世界一周後，空中小姐問我要吃什麼，我想了半天，跟她要兩
種東西，一個叫可口可樂，另一個叫做泡麵。

　今天我們腦袋裡，已經是有東方，也有西方的東西。對，我們已經生長在一個混合的環
境裡。但是最重要的是，不能喪失你的歸屬感，因為要有歸屬感，你才能在全球自在地遊
走。

　第二，各位要的是什麼能力呢？我這裡寫的是「跨領域」。這是我們大學改革中最重要
的方向，大學教育必須要是跨領域的。

　在上一個世紀，很有可能三、四代，甚至百年的家族都做同樣的工作。但是各位同學
，你大學四年念完以後，很有可能第一個挫折就會出現，因為你找不到工作。

　為什麼找不到工作？因為你的訓練，跟社會的需求，已經脫節了。等你工作了一陣子後
，你可能又要失業，因為現在做的工作，已經沒有了，你必須要換很多工作。

　我們的教育出了什麼問題？我們是不是在教育中，給學生太多面對社會所不需要的知識
？我們給知識，而沒給他必要的生存訓練。

　我們需要不同領域的訓練，不需要每個領域都深入，但是每一個領域都要涉略。而且要
有自己組織這些知識的能力，把它轉化成自己吸收的、分析的、思考的系統。

　我記得在美國念法律時，老師每天進來教室，就說我們今天要討論六個判例。「某某同
學，你告訴我們這些判例在講什麼？」然後他會繼續問，問到答不下去，就換另外一個人
答，問到所有的人都答不下去時，就下課了。

　老師從來沒有給過我們答案，每次下課後，我都會問旁邊的同學說「那答案是什麼呢？
」你要自己去找答案，把自己救出來。

　第三，你需要的是「溝通能力」。現代人最重要的就是溝通，為什麼？因為通訊科技太
發達了。

　在老的時代裡，你寫信，一封信從寫好、寄到，然後對方再回信，可能要好幾天，或好
幾年。可是今天，上網就好了，每次都是立即發生的，馬上問、馬上答。

　換句話說，你必須在很短的時間裡，很精確的掌握你的語言，掌握情境。更重要的是，
很精確地掌握對方的心情，和他的想法。

　一個會溝通的人，不是天天講話的人。通常那些比較安靜的人，才是會溝通的人，因為
他知道怎麼觀察你，知道你心裡在想什麼，知道怎麼回答你是最有效的。溝通考驗的是你
的同理心、感受能力，還有你表達自己的能力。

要了解人性
　那麼，要怎麼做一個有同理心的人呢？最重要的是，要了解人性。不論你未來做軟體或
硬體設計，或者是醫生、做廣告、行銷等等。最重要，最重要的一件事，就是你服務的對
象心裡在想什麼。

　所以各位同學，文學作品還是要看，我也不反對你們看韓劇，無論哪一種都可以看，因
為它代表的是不同的感受，不同表達的方式。把自己放到他的情境裡面，當你在他的情境
裡面，你會怎麼樣做反應？你的感受是什麼？

　最後，這裡我加了一個字，叫做「熱情」。如果你沒有熱情，你可能喪失將來再往前走
的動力。

　我忍不住要再放一個字，就是「好奇心」。好奇心就是你要對很多事情都感興趣，但是
不要好管閒事，不該管的事情不要好奇。好奇心跟熱情一樣，都是你往前走的動力，如果
沒有這兩樣特質的話，你的人生是很枯燥的，沒有動力。

　回到原點，各位同學，前面的日子會愈來愈困難。外面的世界，是更複雜的，很多時候
不是對與錯的問題。很多時候你沒有辦法分辨，但是這終究是你必須要面對的一個人生。

　當你面對人生的時候，千萬要冷靜。有時候你會喪失信心的，但是喪失信心也不是一件
壞事。喪失信心的時候，你要問自己問題出在哪裡？只有在喪失信心時，你才會去質疑事
情，才會進步，這些都是你將來再往前走的動力。

　當你再回頭看你坎坷而具挑戰性的一生時，或許你們會認為，你們的人生比我們的更有
趣。

~ 在小儿科部门里，医师们都好好。。。除了一两位比较“特别“的。。。
今天看同学在做newborn assessment 时，被一位医师用很凶的眼神瞪了瞪，还告诉我们“don't touch the babies here. they are not for display..."
=（伤心哪！那我们现在不学，几时学？毕业工作后，若没法pick up clinical signs through good examination skills...若你是我上师，你气不气？
=（伤心。。。how?

Singlehood - Is it a State of Incompleteness?

2009-07-07T18:14:00.001+08:00

Singlehood - Is it a State of Incompleteness?

Posted using ShareThis

i know NO ONE is Perfect, but are u competent?

2009-07-02T00:42:00.002+08:00

Currently in Peads posting
A ward of children
A world of children
Some people call them little parasites
(But hey...EVERYONE gone through that phase=) ~wink, and perhaps, one day in the near future we will have these little monsters or watever u call them, of our own,yes,of our OWN)

Get frustrated when i saw cases of child abuse
The emotion was obvious
shock: "ha?!OMG!"
Denial: "Maybe not eh?!"
Anger : "Wat de!!!!"

Hmm...read the following from the Peads Textbook~The sunflower as we medical students call it,but corrected by our dear Prof J,to call the book by the author's name: Lissauer.

Have to share this and this serves as a note to self in the future=)

Competent Parents:
1. Are there when needed
2. Protect their children from harm
3. Love their children- provide affection, support, comfort, and shelter
4. Use their authority so that they are in charge of their children (rather than vice versa)
5. Respect their children's immature status ans judge it accurately
6. Keep adult business(sex, marital conflict,etc) away from their children
7. Set reasonable limits of tolerance on their children's behaviour
8. Establish a moderate amount of justifiable household rules
9. Have their own lives and do not live through their children
10. Maintain their own self-esteem and personal development

wonderful!awesome!
I think we should make this piece of info into a guideline and give them to those who are preparing to get married of plan to have children=)

真？假？ what is real?and what is not?

2009-06-26T23:05:00.003+08:00

什么是真？
什么是假？

看似真实
感觉似真实

还是
一切都是
如梦幻泡影？

*
It looks so real
And i swear
It felt so real

SO is it real?
Or it is merely imagination?
Like bubbles?

attitude

2009-06-22T16:59:00.002+08:00

It determines who you are

He reminded that the rakyat have spend so much on educating you to become a doctor
And it is time for u to pay back
By giving your service

Dun run away from ur responsibility

Reflection:
We often RUN AWAY from problem
People broke up if they find problems with each other in a relationship
People divorce after they get married
People turn into another relationship when they just broke up in the past relationship
We run
And run
and run

hoping to run to a place with no problem
and we end up in no where....
and i kindly remind myself
stop running
stop
and face it
and learn from it
for each step i take through this
will shape who i am

Taming the Monkey Mind

决定

words

泄气

狂想曲

小城大爱 vs 大城小爱

the past,present,and future

i had a dream

helplessness

contemplating death

ａｎａｔｏｍｉｃａｌｌｙ ｒｏｍａｎｔｉｃ

后来

遗憾篇

The first trimester

别无它意

Limerence

changes

醒

the tears

What is miracle?

u

Here u go

I pray...

Always remember this....

人生的另一个阶段

and so there is this guy who talks to ants....

错觉

needed?

when east meets west

青草

i wonder...

From Brisbane , with Love=)

当澳客去吧！

Clarity

the sunset

Yesssssssssss!!!!

Good Luck C207

sufferings sufferings ...is when i dun accept it as it is

学

more than words

PRESENT

spotted!

The struggle between life and death

The reflection on 31/12/09

那十九岁的信件

Kampung Angkat

龙应台 《亲爱的安德烈》

IMU Buddhist Society

亲爱的教授。。。

闷

L. O. V. 3

thoughts

Serve the medication!!!!

Just...let me sleep in peace

i miss i miss....

i feel like jumping for joy

Sharing 1 Crush...crushed...

if tomorrow never comes...

太棒了！

Let's go!

This feeling...or rather disability to feel?

$ $ $

U have to listen to this song and get into the meaning of each line=)

The spleen "qi"

How?

The expected ... the hope...the birth...the joy and laugthers... and then comes the unexpected events

... the sleeping virus

Thoughts...scratch head...

Lend ur helping hand...

Reflection from cinema

Accept

Simply an Infatuation

Choices and judgement

i think i'm going home~

because forever doesn't exist

joy...bliss... blessed...

From the mind of a 3-year-old

Let's have a cocktail,yeah?

I am coming home~

the letters not sent

ａｎａｔｏｍｉｃａｌｌｙ　ｒｏｍａｎｔｉｃ

龙应台《亲爱的安德烈》

“如果你沒有熱情，你可能喪失將來再往前走的動力。“

真？假？ what is real?and what is not?